On Spiritual Influences

“Wherever a human being is, a number of spirit beings of various stages of development are also close by. In every sphere there are specialists of all kinds. I have said this before and repeat it here because its significance is not yet fully understood. The world of spirit, in all its gradations, is much more specialized than your earthly sphere. This applies to the divine order and to the world of darkness as well as all the variations in-between. Each one of you attracts those specialists whose particular qualities, good or bad, you possess. For like attracts like inevitably, magnetically. When a human being grows up, he or she is surrounded by guardian spirits who belong to the order and organization of divine worlds, and they can come close to their protege only if he or she asks for divine truth and will, and tries to strive higher. Otherwise they have to stand back and watch from a distance. They will interfere only to protect according to past merits, following exact spiritual laws about which they are very careful and which they do not ever break, because these laws are perfection, love, wisdom and justice. This very same person is also surrounded by a number of other spirits not incorporated into the divine order. Some may belong to the world of darkness. If this person is not a criminal or a really sinful soul, very evil spirits will keep away, for they could not accomplish their specialty with such a person.

However, even the specialists of the so-called minor or everyday human faults belong to the world of darkness. They also operate according to their own laws, and accomplish just as much for their purposes as, let us say, a spirit of murder who influences a human being. If your fault is selfishness, there will be a selfishness specialist attached to you. If your fault is that you are inclined to furious outbursts, you will have a specialist around you of a type who will wait for you to permit it to take over, influence you and thus live through you. This gives it a great deal of satisfaction, not only because it thus fulfills its task, but also because it can indulge in its particular weakness. On the other hand, you may be completely void of envy, so you do not have a specialist of envy attached to you. But another person, not inferior to you in his or her overall development, may have this envy specialist around because of this fault.

So you must bear in mind that it is your own faults that pull the particular specialists close to you in the first place, and that they constantly wait for an opportunity to live through you. Thus you collude with them, and can get rid of them only through your personal endeavor to overcome your faults. But before you can do this, you first have to recognize all your faults, of which you are often unaware simply because you do not want to be burdened with such unflattering knowledge. Few people really want to know their faults. Most people admit that they have some faults, but to admit faults in a superficial way and to become fully aware of them are two different things.

So, for your own protection, each one of you should face himself or herself in utter honesty. You can be sure that whatever your particular faults are, you will carry with you and around you the corresponding spirit specialists who are waiting for an opportunity to inspire you to give in to your particular faults. And since it does not take a lot of pressure to succumb, and it is the easy and comfortable way, very often you follow these inspirations. The stronger the fault is within you and the less aware you are of its full significance, the closer this specialist will be to you! Thus it is at the same time both correct and incorrect for people who know about the existence of the beyond and the spirit-creatures to say that an evil spirit influenced them. When they say this, and mean by it that they are taking full responsibility for their own input, it is correct; but when they say it because they want to absolve themselves of personal responsibility and guilt, it is incorrect.

Between these low creatures and the higher entities of the world of God there are many spirits who are very similar to yourselves in their attitudes. They may be deceased people who mean well and are not particularly bad, but who do not yet belong to the divine order and are thus blind in many respects. They often seek to influence human beings because it helps them in some way, or simply because they have nothing better to do. They can learn from you if you take the spiritual path of self-development. However, if you are not stronger than they are, they will influence you, sometimes not harmfully, but, even though they may mean well, they do not inspire you to the best of your spiritual advantage because they are blind. Sometimes their guidance may be to your material advantage, which may or may not interfere with your spiritual progress, and sometimes their influence may be harmless, or appear harmless, but is ultimately to your disadvantage. When and to what degree this can happen is again no coincidence: their influence is inevitably called forth by your own inner attitudes.

If you meditate about this, about yourself, your life and your desires, you can find out what spirits are around you. Those of you who walk on the path of perfection, which is the only real protection you have, will not be bothered or influenced by spirits who do not fulfill the will of God in all respects. There are other means of protection, but they have only a temporary effect. If you are in disharmony—for instance when you feel a quarrel brewing with your fellow-creatures—and have the presence of mind to bring yourself to pray, to reach out for God within you, or to ask for spiritual guidance, this will surely help, and I recommend it strongly. But it will help only in this particular instance, because you do not always have such presence of mind. Sometimes you will be tired and will let yourself go, and then you become prey to these influences which, as we said, can have an effect on you only because of what is already within you. Therefore, the only definite and permanent cure and protection for you is to tear out the bad growths at their roots. This happens on the path of perfection and self-development, the path of happiness. If you are willing to take this path, you will be guided and helped. But first this will and decision must be clearly formulated within you; then it will be recognized. At that point your divine guidance can automatically and immediately get close to you and can, among other things, guide you to the proper human help which you also need in order to take this path. You will be guided to the place and the person best suited to your temperament and character.

This is how the different spiritual spheres with their respective creatures influence humans. Human beings are not helpless prey to these influences, but determine them. And by rejecting any influence that does not come from the divine world, a person not only takes hold of his or her own life but also weakens the forces of darkness, for the less they have to work with in the material world, the more power they must eventually lose.”

– Eva Pierrakos

Full lecture here: https://pathwork.org/lectures/influence-between-the-spiritual-world-and-the-material-world/

Conflict and Misperceptions

The difficulties/challenges/conflicts we experience occur most often due to misperceptions. It may seem on the surface level that the external trigger is responsible for our emotional response, yet on a closer examination we will find that there was actually something within us – some pre-existing fear, some pre-existing pain – that responded to the trigger. If we go even further with our examination we will find that behind the fear and behind the pain there are false assumptions, misperceptions.

Many if not most of these misperceptions originate from childhood experiences when our concept of reality was narrow and so we drew wrong conclusions about our painful experiences. These wrong conclusions can look like:

  • If I disagree with people, they will withdraw their love from me

Or…

  • I need to defend myself or else people will take from me what I don’t want to give

Or…

  • I have to always be in control, otherwise I am not safe

We often carry these beliefs and attitudes with us into adulthood without realizing, that is unless we are confronted with situations that bring them to the surface. Intellectually we may know that these are not true, yet the emotions have a reality of their own. It is the emotions that need to learn the new reality.

If we use the trigger as an opportunity to look within ourselves, we can trace the emotions back to when they were initially brought up. And by understanding the context in which our coping mechanisms were adopted, we can understand their unreality in our current circumstances. We can understand that they seemed appropriate at the time and that they were based on a false interpretation of reality.

It can be difficult to unearth these attitudes and feelings as they hide in our unconscious. And being aware of them can be challenging too. Yet once they are seen and felt, it is as though you step into a new reality, as though a heaviness is lifted from your shoulders.

And that is so worth it.

On Trust and Responsibility

A couple of days ago I woke up with the thought: “It’s about knowing what you are responsible for.”

This came as a response to a feeling of self doubt I’ve been experiencing lately.

Upon further reflection it started to dawn on me that there is a link between confidence/trust and responsibility. It goes as follows: what you take responsibility for is what you feel in control of, which gives you a feeling of confidence and trust. Doubt/fear, aside from lack of self knowledge, is due to refusal of responsibility, which results in anxiety because if you’re not responsible for your experience, then you have to be at the mercy of circumstance. Then the feelings you have must be due to somebody else’s actions, the decisions you make are because of somebody else’s expectations or because of an ideology you shift responsibility on and the environment you’re in hurts you because it is imperfect.

So I believe confidence arises as a shift from the perspective of being a victim of circumstance to that of being responsible for everything you experience, which allows you to go into any situation with a feeling of safety, of being in control.

And then you can take the reins of your being back from the hands of the external world… where you have placed it : )

[Habits of Confusion] 7. Choosing out of Negative Motivations

“It is extremely important for all of you who work on this path to find where you fear the negative and therefore grab for the positive alternative. When you find the areas of fear, and see how you want the positive for negative motivations, you will be able to accept the rich abundance of life with a raised head, as a free person. It is this soul movement that makes all the difference.

The soul condition of fearlessness produces the conviction that nothing negative is ever necessary and that the human entity’s fate is bliss, unfoldment, and dynamic life. And where such conviction exists, outer facts must follow suit. Shrinking away from a feared alternative and wanting the positive alternative because of that, makes the latter an unreachable illusion. This may explain to many of my friends why a number of doors have remained closed for them, in spite of much progress and insight. However, it requires an extended awareness to notice the existence of fear, and to be aware of the fine differentiation between wanting happiness for the sake of happiness, or wanting it in order to avoid unhappiness.

I have discussed general aims, but your specific desires, with the fear of their opposites, have to be ascertained in your personal work. Nothing is too big or too little, important or unimportant, when it comes to the human psyche. For anything that may appear to be an insignificant aspect is, in the last analysis, connected with the great questions of life. When you find these elements, new doors will open to you, my friends. Even before you can shed the fear itself, ascertaining it and knowing what it means must make a great difference in your attitude to yourself, to life, and to the particular desire that has remained unfulfilled because you have overlooked the shift in motivation. This is an all-important key.

Don’t overlook either that the presence of a fear of the negative does not necessarily annul a healthy wish for the positive for its own sake. It is absolutely possible — in fact, it is frequent — that a healthy wish exists simultaneously with the distorted motivation.

Once you put your finger on the fear, you can directly treat it in your meditations. This will make a great deal of difference on your path. It can be a solution to many problems that have remained stubbornly locked so far. The mere realization, “I cannot step out into freedom because I want freedom not for itself, but because I fear to be imprisoned,” will bring liberation a great step closer. If you realize that you cannot be free because you fear unfreedom, in that realization greater freedom is yours. This may sound complicated and quite paradoxical, but if you deeply think about it, you will understand how true it is.”

– Eva Pierrakos, Pathwork Lecture 130: Finding True Abundance by Going Through Your Fear

More here:
https://pathwork.org/lectures/finding-true-abundance-by-going-through-your-fear/

Finding The Way Out of Confusion

I haven’t yet come out the other side, but these are some things that I found important when making decisions/ figuring things out.

1. Find your real motivations for doing something:

“As you view what is at stake in an issue, you will seldom find an answer by asking whether the action you contemplate is right or wrong. Since none of you would ever consider committing an antisocial or sinful act, the decisions you are faced with could be right either way in principle. Yet, for each individual there is always only one right way and many, many wrong ways possible. So you have to consider your honest motives behind your apparent good motives; that will determine the right or wrong action for you, not the ethical value of the action itself. As long as you have not found all the motives behind a desire, you will not be able to know the right action for you. The right procedure is not to ask God simply to let you know whether to do such and such, thus avoiding the work of self-knowledge on your part. There may be isolated instances where this can be the right thing to do, but not generally, not when there seems to be a repetitive pattern and a conflict involved. The right procedure is to decide wholeheartedly that you wish to find all the motives behind the conscious motive, and for that you should pray for God’s help.” – Eva Pierrakos

“People who do not recognize their hidden motives cannot conduct their lives freely. They are enslaved to their lower selves, to their unrecognized desires, which push and pull them backwards and forward, left and right.” – Eva Pierrakos

2. Consider whether you are ready to pay the price:

“You often desire the impossible, like a child: you find yourself desiring something that cannot be had, or for which you are not prepared to pay the price.” – Eva Pierrakos

“In your unwillingness to pay the necessary price for a desired goal, you leave the issue in the unconscious, thinking childishly to go around it.” – Eva Pierrakos

3. Don’t expect the Divine to solve your problems without your active participation:

“If your present situation feels unsatisfactory in any way, or if you are not clear about a decision you are called upon to make, do not expect God to decide for you or to alter an unpleasant situation without your active participation in the process. You have to realize that there must be something in you that contributed to the undesirable circumstance to begin with and be willing to find what it is and change it. Do not forget that the wrong is not necessarily a sinful action or thought, but an unrecognized emotion that surges in a wrong channel or violates a spiritual law. God recognizes your goodwill, and if you combine prayer with the work of self-examination and tearing down your masks, His answer will become ever more clear, so that there will be no possible room for doubt in you. But as long as your resistance against this way of working persists, no matter what the pretexts and excuses are, the sluggishness and the immaturity of your lower self has the better of you. You will have wrong reactions and distorted instincts, which you will then want to interpret to fit the resistance of your lower self.” – Eva Pierrakos

“Those who will not make a decision are often the same who most sincerely strive to follow their soul’s yearning. Although they truly want to do what is right and just, they shy away from doing something because it may not please God. They are afraid of doing wrong so they do not do anything. They do not understand that by not making a decision they also make a decision. The world, and what you call time, never stands still. Everything is in the stream of life, and whatever you do, including not doing anything, must have a consequence. When you shy away from making a decision, it means you have not yet found a key to your soul. You live, possibly without being aware of it, in fear. You do not take command of your ship, believing and hoping—again unconsciously—that God or fate will make the decision for you. Once in a while this may even happen, but, in general, God’s world is not permitted to interfere, since one of the things you have to learn is to take responsibility for your decisions. You have to learn to pierce the dark cloud which obscures the truth and creates confusion. You must do so by your own effort, by your personal spiritual endeavor, by your increasing self-awareness.” – Eva Pierrakos

“The answer and the key to God’s will are within you.” – Eva Pierrakos

This makes me realize that words of wisdom need to unlocked. It’s like you receive a treasure chest, but you have to find the key within yourself to open it. The tricky part is that we may interpret certain words to mean something that appeals to the lower self, so experience/reflection is needed.

4. A shift in perspective can bring about change on its own:

“So you overlook the simple fact that first your ideas have to change before the vexing conditions have a chance to change too. Thus you find yourself at a certain crucial point on this path in a vicious circle: you wait for a change in your conditions, while the conditions wait for you to change your ideas.” – Eva Pierrakos

“But whatever the problem is, be aware that this problem is in direct connection with an inner wrong attitude of yours and pray for recognition, for guidance, for enlightenment in this respect. If you search in this direction at all and if you are really open to find your particular answer and to see the connection of your outer problem with the inner one, guidance can be given; or rather, the recognition will come to you, for often the guidance is there but you refuse to see it! You refuse to see the signs, the many pointed signs, that are constantly given you.” – Eva Pierrakos

5. Abundance needs to be cultivated from within:

“The open energy system which creates richness flowing into you both from within and without must come from your own richness that can afford to lose at the moment. Then you can afford to tolerate the temporary pain of finding what really obstructs the fulfillment of the unfulfilled need, and ultimately remove it by changing an inner attitude. This is the way to create richness from poverty.

A sequence of steps must be undertaken in this process. Step number one: recognize the conflict we have just discussed where you struggle between resorting to hopelessness or to pushing, holding, and applying pressure from above. Step number two: see that this conflict exists because you operate from the premise of an imaginary poverty, convinced that you could not have what you need if you gave up the pushing, holding, pressuring struggle. You believe that you are condemned never to experience the fulfillment you long for, without which your personality cannot thrive. Step number three: commit yourself totally to working out the real reasons for your unfulfillment in the usual way you learn on this path. This must be done in a spirit of honesty, perseverance, patience, and humility. Humility means not blaming the universe for your poverty in a particular area of your life, but instead searching for your distortions that have created this poverty.” – Eva Pierrakos

“You must first create the inner attitude in which you can accept the not having with good grace and still feel, perhaps even because of it, your inner wealth.” – Eva Pierrakos

6. See the connection between freedom and self-responsibilty:

“The infant in you desires everything the way it wants it, how it wants it, and when it wants it. But it goes further than that. This desire includes wanting complete freedom without responsibility. You may not be aware that you desire just this. But I am sure that by investigating some of your reactions and asking yourself what they truly mean, when you come to the root, you will undoubtedly find that this childish part of your being desires just that. You want to have a benign authority above you who steers your life in all ways as you desire. You wish complete freedom in every way; you want to make independent decisions and choices. If these prove good, it is to your credit. However, you do not wish to be responsible for anything bad that happens. Then you refuse to see the connection between such a happening and your own actions and attitudes. You are so successful in covering up these connections that, after a time, it takes a great deal of effort indeed to bring the connection out into the open. This is so because you wish to make this authority responsible for the negative things only.” – Eva Pierrakos

“It is not only the pain of unfulfillment that you cringe away from, however. You also do not want to take upon yourself mature self-responsibility. This may not apply to all your outer material life, but may affect the emotional plane. If you do not wish to love, and live in fear of being hurt, if you do not wish to take the risk of living upon yourself, you wish to remain the child who waits helplessly for life to fulfill its needs without the necessity of self-involvement. The price you pay for such evasion is very high. Many of you do not yet realize how high that price is. This running away from self-responsibility and from the apparent risk of living and feeling is caused by an original sense of inadequacy, and continuing to run away increases that sense of inadequacy. Only as you change this pattern will you find your sense of adequacy and self-confidence. The psychic law that says that running away from the original pain of unfulfillment increases the unfulfillment, and therefore the pain, operates here, too.” – Eva Pierrakos

7. Identify dual either/or thinking (rebellion vs submission) / Accept current limitations:

“As you accept the narrow structure and recognize it for what it is—the product of your limited thinking—so will your scope of freedom widen. But it does not widen by rebelling against the necessary outer boundaries, and against what appear to be restrictions. Freedom comes from an intelligent recognition of the structure and from the choice to accept it. This choice is made not out of fear and weakness, dependency and submission, nor is it a rebellion of the inner tyrant, which disregards reason and wisdom. It is made with the will to see the truth and meaning and lovingly accept, on those grounds, the narrow structure of the present, even if this seems at first to restrict personal desires. This is the act of love and freedom. The first two alternatives of fearful acceptance and blind rebellion are obviously unloving and unfree. They are not deliberate choices, but blind, automatic reactions, and they bear the seed of hate, distrust, suspicion, selfish demands, maligning of truth.” – Eva Pierrakos

8. Save yourself:

“When I cast my mind back to my upbringing and my life overall, I recognize the times when I was hostage to factors which set me desperately searching for rescue. Rescue implied to me that an outside force, person or persons, would appear to help me out of my unhappy circumstances. But no one would appear. No rescue was at hand. I could have sat on the “rock” of my solitude until I was a very old man, awaiting some nameless, faceless rescue “party”, like someone lost in the wilderness. But when I realized that the wilderness was the landscape of my own making – and of my own mind – I began to feel a strong impetus to take action to get out of the uncomfortable place in which I had somehow landed. That rescue, I eventually concluded, could only come from within myself.” – J. Paul Nadeau, Hostage to Myself

9. Use your willpower wisely:

“You can use your willpower in two very distinct ways. One creates a pressure and tension that will rob you of your peace; it leads you away from the state of detachment so necessary for attaining spiritual and emotional maturity. The other flows freely, strongly, and vitally and will never hamper your serenity; it works deep inside and yet quite consciously; it wills strongly and yet patiently; it leaves you free and detached, yet never passive and resigned. One will-stream comes out of your higher self, the other out of your lower self. If you will something that is against divine law and divine will, it will never give you peace. However, it is also possible for you to will something that is utterly right for you, but to do so in the wrong way, thereby mingling in wrong currents or wrong motives.” – Eva Pierrakos

10. Choose wholeheartedly:

“unless it comes out of
your soul like a rocket,
unless being still would
drive you to madness or
suicide or murder,
don’t do it.
unless the sun inside you is
burning your gut,
don’t do it.

when it is truly time,
and if you have been chosen,
it will do it by
itself and it will keep on doing it
until you die or it dies in you.

there is no other way.

and there never was.”

– Charles Bukowski

“Wherever conflicts exist, in one way or another, you have not made your decisions properly. Do not remain on the surface level; you will have to dig deeper into your emotions in order to find the answer. Within your emotions, sooner or later you must find—provided you search honestly—that you have somehow not made a whole decision; you had somehow hoped to gain the advantage without accepting the disadvantage. And often you even hope—again without thinking it through clearly—to at the same time gain the advantage of both alternatives and to be spared the disadvantage of either. This amounts to cheating life, and the result must inevitably be that life will teach you a lesson and you will reap the disadvantages of both or all sides which you wished to avoid.” – Eva Pierrakos

11. It’s ok to admit that you don’t yet have the answer:

“If, after taking on the problem, you come to the conclusion that you are not yet capable of making a decision because you are not yet able to perceive which direction to take, you are in a totally different state. Then you can ask God for inspiration and knowledge and thus be ready to receive it and act accordingly. The needed recognition will come to you when you have prepared yourself through your own endeavors. It is one thing to avoid a decision, cover up everything that relates to it, and turn away from the problem altogether. It is quite another to strive for truth and knowingly and willingly decide not to make a decision until, after more personal effort, you are ready to take the right course. And when the decision is truly the right one, no shadow of a doubt will be left in you. The result will be ever-increasing inner peace and harmony in your soul. Only in this way can you become the captain of your ship.” – Eva Pierrakos

12. There is a difference between intuition and resonance:

Ideas can resonate with the lower self or with the higher self. They can resonate with hidden motivations and fears that haven’t been made conscious and they can feel ‘right’ too, although from my experience they have a more temporary nature.

13. Being aware of your fears helps:

“The great enemy is fear, and the best way to meet and conquer this enemy is first to ascertain, admit, and articulate it. This approach will diminish fear to a considerable degree and open the way to further measures for ousting it. Of course, the desire to do so must, as always, be clearly expressed in one’s thinking and intentions. However, if you struggle against fear out of fear of fear, this will be difficult. Therefore, the calm admission and the momentary acceptance of it will do more toward its elimination than fighting against it would.” – Eva Pierrakos

14. Ideas of right and wrong (should/must/have to) can delay/hinder progress:

One time during meditation I had the following thought:

“I want to… because… ! I don’t wanna hear any I have tos! ”

And I believe that the motivation for doing something is where it’s at.

“As long as your “right” conduct is motivated by stringent self-moralizing, based on “good or bad,” your goodness or righteousness is not genuine. It does not come from natural insight and inner growth but from fear:  the fear about your imperfection. Therefore, such “goodness” is ineffectual, unconvincing to yourself as well as to others. It is a compulsion, not a choice. And you cannot be in reality when you are compulsive, for reality cannot be evaluated in the extreme terms of good or bad. When these terms cease to apply to anything but very crass issues, the borderlines become subtle and hazy. The issue is no longer capable of being settled by quick judgment about what is good or bad. Then the truth can be found only deep within yourself, instead of in the rigid laws and rules you borrow because you are too insecure to delve into your own soul. But since you don’t dare to find the truth there, you adhere to ready-made rules, and the moment you do you moralize.” – Eva Pierrakos

“This moral structure actually takes the place of the self: you trust in rules rather than in yourself. This is a very shaky trust, for such rules may often be inapplicable to certain real situations. You may often have to grope when you find yourself not knowing what is right. However, if you cannot accept yourself as a human being, fallible and often confused, then this unavoidable confusion has the power to disrupt you completely. You may attribute the disruption to the situation itself, but in reality, it stems from your attitude about yourself. You will always want to find the final solution at once. And this urge is dictated by the false belief that you prove yourself unworthy if you admit that you do not know the answer, or simply have negative, undeveloped reactions.

So the first thing to learn on this path now is the ability to accept not only your fallibility but that you often do not know the answer. If you learn this and at the same time still like yourself, then slowly but surely your emotions will mature and your reactions will change, and a healthy trust in yourself, in your natural, spontaneous reactions, will follow. You will become more lenient with yourself and will no longer need perfection as the only basis for respect.” – Eva Pierrakos

15. Difficulties can be linked with personal defects:

“Although you really want to claim your goal, you still feel it is impossible. There is some wall that does not let you get through. This wall must never, under any circumstances, be disregarded or glossed over. You must never use pressure from your will to overcome the “no” of this wall. Such forcing will remove you further from your real self within and hence from the reality of the life where all good is available. Instead, you have to interpret the meaning of the wall. Translate it into clear words. Whether you doubt that you can have your goal or feel guilty about getting it, or have a sense of not deserving it, or are afraid of life’s demands when you do have it, these still do not add up to the final answer. The reservation within yourself must be linked with a character defect you have not really faced, nor do you wish to, because you do not want to abandon it.” – Eva Pierrakos

On Emotional Reactivity

Earlier today I posted on Facebook a quote by Adyashanti on Meditative Self-Inquiry. I often like to share the best things I find on the internet with others, which are generally things that relate to spirituality or that have a spiritual undertone. But soon after I posted it, someone I know commented on my post with an image similar to this one:

It hit my pretty hard and I got very angry, much angrier than I thought I would. I have been unemployed for more than a year, and this meme hit me right where it hurt. They knew about my job situation and so I naturally assumed ill intent, which made me even angrier. Not only that, but it was also done in front of everyone I knew, so I also felt humiliated.

I tried to contain my anger but I also wanted to tell this person that what they did bothered me. So I confronted them and I told them that it was not OK, because it would have been like me broadcasting their vulnerability on their Facebook page for the world to see. They told me that they thought the post was written by me and that I could dedicate myself to doing something productive instead of wasting my time and creativity doing something that wasn’t going to help me financially. That still didn’t make me feel better since I didn’t like answering to anyone, so I was still very angry.  Seeing how upset I was, my friend apologized and said that they just thought it was very funny, and they really seemed to believe that and then they removed their comment from my post.

That is when I had a moment where something shifted inside me and I realized that I had a tendency to blame the entirety of that situation on this other person, that I felt self-righteous about it, and that I saw myself as a victim in that scenario. When I understood that there wasn’t ill intent behind her actions, but good intentions executed poorly my attention almost instantly shifted to myself. I was being reminded that every interaction is a two-way street and that it takes two to tango, right?

So what exactly did I find in myself? What was that situation revealing to me? Well… I realized that lately I have indeed been overly dedicated to spiritual pursuits and learning about the nature of reality and esotericism, but then these things, as important as they are, were distracting me from more pressing matters like getting a job and being independent. This should be my #1 priority right now and my friend’s message awoke me from the slumber. Also it made me realize that I’ve been engaging in Spiritual Bypassing – which is using spirituality as a way to avoid accountability – which is something I thought I understood as a concept and that I had under control, but it turns out some aspects of it eluded me, or maybe I refused to admit them to myself.

I also saw how easy it is to get reactive and make it all about the other person’s mistake, how easy it is to assume ill intent and negative motivations and not see your part in the conflict. That’s why if it was intended as a joke, I couldn’t treat at such and laugh about it. It hurt me.

There was also the perception of being humiliated in front of other people which added to it and hurt also. Or the trigger of having to answer to an authority figure which made me feel indignation and anger. It’s very multifaceted.

So the feelings that came up for me were anger, indignation, humiliation and shame. All these came rushing at me in what felt like a boiling anger sensation. But the instant I started taking things back to myself, these feelings started to subside. As though the energy had been reversed from being aimed at the other person to leading me within to their source. It’s like they were the propelling force that guided me in my inner expedition.

Then I started understanding that the mistake the other person made was due to an incomplete understanding of things, not due to bad intentions. When my anger boiled, I had thoughts of revenge, not through harming them, but through succeeding in life (“that’ll show them”), which also subsided once I started looking into myself.  It’s easy to reduce the other person to the role of the persecutor when you don’t investigate the part you play in the conflict. Which is why others mirror to us our own fears and stir within us the spirit of investigation. The Divine Will acts through others to show us to ourselves.

I’m not saying my friend did nothing wrong . From a higher perspective, sure, this is a learning experience and we’re all learning. But at a relative level, they didn’t consider how it would affect me to be made fun of in front of everyone on something I was vulnerable about. I told my friend that the problem was that their reasoning was incomplete. But then that made me think about how we often don’t realize the ways in which we impact others and how it’s up to the other person to let us know where we might infringe on their boundaries, hopefully in a compassionate manner.

I think this is such an important thought to consider… that many and I’d even say most times people hurt us or we hurt them because of an incomplete understanding of things, a failure to see some important aspects of a problem. But then there’s another aspect which is perhaps even more important which is that we must try to seek our own part in the conflict. Many times conflicts arise from assumptions of ill intent coupled with a desire to defend our image so if we give the other person the benefit of the doubt and change the subject of examination to ourselves, we may find an abundance of wounds underneath our elicited emotions. And those wounds surface during unexpected times and in unexpected ways and are the driving forces to our potential emotional reactivity.  Of course, not every negative emotion we experience is due to our wounding, sometimes the fault may be with the other person indeed, which means that discernment is needed to distinguish between the two. But the step of self-inquiry is still necessary regardless of the situation, as we need to discriminate between emotions that arise due to violations of our boundaries and values or those arise due to wounding and assumptions of ill intent.

If we don’t indulge in the feelings the trigger elicits by being reactive and taking it personally and if instead we allow ourselves to feel them, we can redirect our attention to ourselves and use the momentum of the emotional response to understand why those reactions were brought up in us. This can help us understand how our emotions are linked with our wounds and how they can surface and take a life of their own when they are “provoked” or “disturbed”.

Then we can deepen our investigation and connect our wounds with our unmet emotional needs, which can lead us to important revelations, but maybe that will be the subject of another post.

“If you imagine someone who is brave enough to withdraw all his projections, then you get an individual who is conscious of a pretty thick shadow. Such a man has saddled himself with new problems and conflicts. He has become a serious problem to himself, as he is now unable to say that they do this or that, they are wrong, and they must be fought against… Such a man knows that whatever is wrong in the world is in himself, and if he only learns to deal with his own shadow he has done something real for the world. He has succeeded in shouldering at least an infinitesimal part of the gigantic, unsolved social problems of our day.”

– Carl Jung

 

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The Adyashanti quote:
https://awakening-together.org/discovered-meditative-self-inquiry-adyashanti/?fbclid=IwAR0yohxjlAR3-Fh_uPkq0-bARrtAwD3rHml2r1k49EJWqG7YqgX_t3R6df0

Caroline Myss on Avoiding Powerful Guidance:
https://www.myss.com/three-popular-ways-avoiding-powerful-guidance/?fbclid=IwAR2-lf1uE2pyLQbQgaWCvOSBqngugdiwC3Uv3nVKpvJ5st5UN07Zc8MfSOc

3 Great Discoveries [January 2019]

1. Eva Pierrakos – The Pathwork of Self-Transformation

A phenomenal book which describes a clear and practical way to understand our conditioned behaviors, our longings and needs and our wounding from a spiritual perspective. And so so much more.

“Under such headings as “The Idealized Self-Image”, “The Forces of Love, Eros and Sex”, “Real and False Needs”, and “The Spiritual Meaning of Crisis”, the Pathwork outlines the entire process of personal spiritual development. Unlike many over-idealized philosophies, the Pathwork confronts our devils as well as our angels, our all-too-human failings and petty ego concerns as well as our divine strengths. It shows us how to accept ourselves fully as we are now, and then to move beyond the negativity, or “lower self”, that blocks our personal and spiritual evolution. It offers a practical, rational and honest way to reach our deepest creative identity.”

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2. Terrace House

Terrace House is a Japanese Netflix show where 6 strangers – 3 boys and 3 girls – are given a shared place to live in and two cars with no script of what to do. They are filmed every day and an episode is produced each week that the 6 strangers live there (ranging from 25 minutes to 45 minutes). The people living in Terrace House are between 18 and 30 something years old. When a boy leaves, he is replaced by another boy, when a girl leaves, she is replaced by another girl. In addition to this, there is commentary about the events of the week provided by the show hosts who analyze what is happening and note on the dynamics between the people living there.

I know this may appear trivial compared to #1, but I find it not only enjoyable but educational as well. I find it really interesting to see how the 6 people relate to each other, to understand their motivations for acting the way they do, and to see some beautiful displays of character. It is an excellent exercise in understanding psychology and for compassionately observing people’s conflicts and patterns of behavior. It’s wonderful to watch how they try to help each other and how they intervene when they feel one of the people living there is doing something wrong, usually not to blame them, but to help them overcome their limitations or shortcomings. Of course, there are situations where some conflicts cannot be easily reconciled and you can see how some people are falling into bad behaviors despite themselves.

This show offers a seriously great opportunity for the study of character. It’s like it becomes clear how the little things evolve into big developments. I love it and I seriously recommend it!

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3. The BlackPilled YouTube Channel

BlackPilled is a YouTube channel held by Devon Stack where he does social and political commentary through making analogies with movies. His videos have been a real highlight for me lately, I’ve been excited about getting YouTube notifications for them.

Usually in his videos he analyzes one particular well-known movie and he identifies the propaganda that is subtly placed in the narrative. He links his findings with the social and political developments in the world and he makes a connection between how the ideas that are symbolically represented in the movies influence the thinking patterns of society and help produce social changes that are intended and planned in advance.

Moreover, he makes parallels with mythical and mystical ideas as well, offering great insights on the intentions of the director/script writer. Great content, I recommend it!

As an example, see this analysis of the movie Pleasantville below. It’s rather long, but it’s worth it!