Knowing What You Want

One of the things I learned in a Scriptwriting course I took last year was that the main character must always want something badly and pursue it throughout the movie. That is what makes the story interesting, our teacher said. If you want a good story, you cannot have a main character who doesn’t want anything. Because if the character doesn’t want anything, you have no plot. You have nothing hindering him, nothing opposing him, no big choices that he needs to make. He’s just… there.

I found that to be a fitting description of how I have been conducting my life. I didn’t take risks, or when I did, I rushed against the storm. I didn’t put effort in things and I avoided choices. I didn’t dare to assert myself.

And it turns out, if you don’t pursue what you like, want, need… which is to affirm your place in the world and to have healthy self-interest, then the default is to define yourself in terms of what you don’t like or want, which creates a negative outlook on life.

It would appear that the difference between the two is the difference between purposeful action and fearful reaction.

If you do not choose, if you do not use your voice, if you do not initiate things and decide upon goals, you revert to a state where you react to your circumstances.

So I think that building healthy aggression is important, because that is the impetus you need to pull you out of inertia. Instead of fighting circumstances, you let intentions carry you forward.

And also, deciding upon a goal, as abstract or imperfect as it may appear, it is better than not deciding upon anything. You choose and then refine. You get things moving. You learn, you experience, you improve, you grow.

And by your choices and the goals you pursue, things start falling into place. You know what you need to say yes to and no to, you get to know what you like and what clicks. And you get to learn about who you are.

And you finally turn the page and start a new chapter : )

 

 

 

Choice Anxiety

Having struggled with choice anxiety for almost two years now, I am starting to understand something… probably a bit too late.

If you don’t know what you want, if you don’t have any responsibilities, if you don’t have any goals, then you also don’t know how to orient yourself in life and that means you don’t know what kind of things support the kind of life that you want/need.

Therefore, you don’t know what kind of job you would like or what kind of books you need to buy, or what kind of people you would like in your life or what kind of activities you would like to do or generally what sacrifices you need to make to get to where you want to be. Everything becomes a haze that envelops you.

So it now makes sense why I don’t know how to choose. It’s because I have not made it clear where I am going, so my choices are disconnected from purpose. And if purpose is not the guiding force behind my actions, then it has to be other considerations like… is this right/wrong?