On Trust and Responsibility

A couple of days ago I woke up with the thought: “It’s about knowing what you are responsible for.”

This came as a response to a feeling of self doubt I’ve been experiencing lately.

Upon further reflection it started to dawn on me that there is a link between confidence/trust and responsibility. It goes as follows: what you take responsibility for is what you feel in control of, which gives you a feeling of confidence and trust. Doubt/fear, aside from lack of self knowledge, is due to refusal of responsibility, which results in anxiety because if you’re not responsible for your experience, then you have to be at the mercy of circumstance. Then the feelings you have must be due to somebody else’s actions, the decisions you make are because of somebody else’s expectations or because of an ideology you shift responsibility on and the environment you’re in hurts you because it is imperfect.

So I believe confidence arises as a shift from the perspective of being a victim of circumstance to that of being responsible for everything you experience, which allows you to go into any situation with a feeling of safety, of being in control.

And then you can take the reins of your being back from the hands of the external world… where you have placed it : )

There is no need to despair

If you find a negative trait or quality within you, do no despair, it’s only temporary. Through self-observation you can bring the underlying attitude to the surface and examine it. You can use your daily occurrences and interactions to note the reactions that arise within you. And then change arises by itself as a result of understanding (though it takes time).

If you try to force your emotions into how they should be, change won’t truly occur as this would be a superimposition, much like putting a band-aid over a gunshot wound.

Rather than blame, cover up, suppress or deny, it is much more useful to trace these emotions back to their origin, to see why they’re there, not as provoked from outside but as emerging from within (from a certain self-perception). Emotions are information about the inner reality and they don’t respond to shoulds. They are to be experienced just as they are, as dark as they may be.

It is my experience that stuck emotions (which often make us reactive) are often tangled up with false perceptions both of self and the world. We may intellectually know the truth of why we are experiencing certain difficulties, yet the emotions have a “perception” of their own, often causing an inner split. It is the “perception” of these emotions that needs to be made conscious.

Choice and Self-Knowledge

Lately I’ve been thinking about freewill and choice.

I think the choices we make are a function of self-knowledge. The more we know ourselves, the more we are able to recognize what is immovable (even if temporarily) and what is not. So then choice becomes the recognition of what kind of resistance needs to be accepted and which kind of resistance needs to be pushed through. Like flow, engaging the active and passive principles wisely.

Also it is the understanding that doubt means you are not ready yet, that there is still something left to uncover, hiding somewhere in your unconscious. To the extent that you know yourself, there is no choice to be made, because the choice would just be the obvious thing to do. So then choice is like an optical illusion caused by a lack of self-knowledge. Or something : )

Any thoughts?

[Habits of Confusion] 6. Shoulds

This theme of ideals and shoulds has been coming up a lot lately for me. I have been watching myself and I have noticed some things I didn’t know were there. Like immaturity, expectations of perfection from both myself and others and a desire to control reality.

You see, when things go well, it is easier not to entertain aspects of your lower self. Anybody can be generous when they live in abundance. But when you fail or fall or mess up, that is when the aspects of your lower self start to reveal themselves. That is when your fears start running amok. That is when you start noticing that your strength, happiness and sense of security stemmed not from within, but from external validations. You also notice that your value derived from the way you were perceived by others, from your high-paying job or from the image you had built. It takes failure to reveal those as illusions, which can be a blessing in disguise.

I’m not saying that everybody who lives in abundance has these things lurking underneath, they may very well have transcended these internal attitudes and have no attachment to their wealth or status. I’m saying that losing these things gives us the opportunity to learn where we place our sense of power outside of ourselves, where we unconsciously believe that our worth is dictated by our external circumstances. And it allows us to understand our erroneous assumptions about ourselves and the world.

I started writing this article because of a post I saw earlier on a Philosophy group on Facebook which reminded me of ideals and shoulds. It was a topic of discussion that was proposed by someone:

“The perfect is the enemy of the good.” Discuss.

I replied the following:

I think this is along the lines of “the road to hell is paved with good intentions”. It ties into being so blinded by what should be that we don’t see what is. Like forcing things to fit into our narrow definitions of perfection.

This is something I have been contemplating a lot lately. Ideals, shoulds, personal responsibility, stubbornness and immaturity. There is a link between them. Let me see if I can figure it out…

We hold ideals in our minds, abstractions like love and truth and equality and fairness and acceptance. We aspire towards them, we want both to receive them and to give them. But as long as we don’t link them with our personal experiences and see how they apply to ourselves, they become shoulds, images that make us guilty for not being there yet or rules to follow according to our interpretations of what those ideals are. And there is a big difference between love, for instance, and the way love can look like. Love can look like duty, self-sacrifice, accepting bad behavior or submitting to someone’s will. But it is not those things. Those things are erroneous interpretations we give to love.

An example that comes to mind to exemplify this is that when we think of inner peace, we may imagine a Buddhist monk, unshakable and unflinching in the face of the ups and downs of life. Being used to judge solely by results, we do not pause to wonder what sort of life experiences bring forth the lessons necessary to cause such a shift in perspective so that no matter what comes your way you can maintain your peace. Instead, we observe the attitude, the posture, the philosophy, the words , the mannerisms and we try to adopt them ourselves.

We may even understand it at an intellectual level, but what is not immediately apparent are the roots these ideas have grown in the minds of those who experienced what those ideals were or were not, the associations with painful and memorable moments, the trials and errors and the deep understanding they provide. We only see the surface and often it is the surface we try to imitate.

So what is the problem with this approach? Well, there is nothing wrong with it, it’s just that it does not deliver what we want. The fact is that we build mental images of how peace is supposed to look like and instead of honoring our own experiences by accepting them as messengers of who we are or “where” we are with our progress or what we want and need, we resist our experiences in order to make them fit the mental projections of who we think we should be. We say NO to our own selves and that reflects into us saying NO to the world. We deny reality because it doesn’t match our high expectations for who we’re supposed to be. And we miss important revelations that would otherwise come to us if we accepted what is and if we observed it impartially, like a scientist curious about the result of his latest experiment.

The stubbornness comes in because we tend to cling on to our shoulds and enforce them, which is a sign of immaturity. We want to be loved a certain way, we want to be taken care of a certain way and we want people to accept us unconditionally. We demand a kind of perfection that even we are not capable of offering. And we punish people for not being able to provide us with what we think we need, sometimes even through hurting ourselves. A lot of this happens unconsciously, because we have distorted notions of what love is or what acceptance is. Whereas, if we were honest with ourselves and didn’t try to force reality to bend to our will, we could make decisions that empowered us, decisions that acknowledged the truth of the situation we found ourselves in.

And that is where self-responsibility can help us. Self-responsibility is the affirmation that whatever we experience is our responsibility. Self-responsibility does not let us point fingers and instead places the focus back on us. It asks the question “given this experience, what can YOU do about it if you had to accept that you cannot change it?” It’s like taking all the build up of tension and directing it on a positive channel, one that reminds you of your power.

You see, when you go through difficult situations the child within comes to the surface, seeking to be taken care of. If she does not get what she wants when she asks for it, there are other ways to go about it. Temper tantrums, manipulation, punishment, helplessness, all sort of attitudes and behaviors that she thinks will work. All to get the love that she thinks she needs, or rather her interpretation of what that love is. These attitudes are most often subtle and unconscious and they can be destructive if not made conscious.

“Self‑will is too bent upon its own insistence that it is unwilling to accept present reality. It wishes to be already in a different state of consciousness; it wants to be better than it is now. But it fails to accomplish this goal because it is impossible to grow out of something one is too self‑willed to admit. Self‑will makes one rigid, and rigidity is contrary to the flow of life movement. Self‑will says, “I do not accept the reality as it is now, it must be now as I insist it is.” This makes truthful admission impossible.”

– Eva Pierrakos, The Pathwork Lectures

I know this from my own experiences. I unconsciously hurt myself to make the people around me feel guilty about not loving me the way I stubbornly demanded. I refused to take responsibility and I blamed others for what I was going through. The thought process went like ‘If only they accepted all of my demands, then that would mean they loved me and I could succeed in my endeavors because they accepted me the way I was.’

I linked love with people bending to my will. And I learned that I had a lot of distorted notions of what love meant. I didn’t know I had this within me. I think that ideals are important, they are the expression of the highest values there are. They are aspects of divinity. But our understanding of them is limited and that is why we must hold them loosely in our minds, open to learn what they really are.

I can understand now why Jordan Peterson insists so much on the idea of self-responsibility. Life will likely knock you down at some point and when it does, all these things that you didn’t know you had in you will come to the surface. If you go into it with a mindset that the world is responsible for your problems, you will not know that you have the power to get yourself out of that situation and you might instead fight the situation you are in.

There is a quote that says “with great power comes great responsibility”. I find that the reverse is true as well: “with great responsibility comes great power.” The moment we take responsibility for everything we experience is the moment we take our power back from wherever we have scattered it. And then we can really change.

 

On Suppressing Negative Emotions

A couple of days ago I received a very important and unexpected puzzle piece.

I was seeking for something, yet the answer I received was for a different question that I had asked at another time: Am I bad for feeling the way I do?

What I was looking for when that happened was an insight into the problem of what evil is and I wanted to see if I could find some reflections on that problem among The Pathwork Lectures.

I found three articles, but one stood out for me: The Meaning of Evil and Its Transcendence.

At the end of reading it I felt happy and so, so relieved. If before that I was wrapped in anxiety, upon reading that article I suddenly felt… peace! I didn’t know why I was grinning until later when I had an important revelation. It was as though the revelation had already occurred in my subconscious and was working its way up to my conscious awareness. And it was indeed the missing link in the chain.

It is OK to feel negative emotions, as dark as they may be.

The article itself was the catalyst for my realization, but I believe that it all culminated in this fragment, more specifically in one particular sentence – that I highlighted in bold:

“The first step must be applying the theory that destructiveness, evil, is not a final separate force. You must think about this not merely in general, philosophical terms. Rather, you must take the specific aspects of yourself that make you feel guilty and afraid, and apply this knowledge to all that is most distasteful in yourself and others. No matter how ugly some of those manifestations are—whether it be cruelty, spite, arrogance, contempt, selfishness, indifference, greed, cheating, or something else—you can bring yourself to realize that every one of these traits is an energy current, originally good and beautiful and life-affirming.

By searching in this direction, you will come to understand and experience how this or that specific hostile impulse was originally a good force. When you understand that, you will have made a substantial inroad toward transforming the hostility and freeing the energy that has either been channelled in a truly undesirable, destructive way, or become frozen and stagnant. Articulate clearly the insight that these ugly traits, whatever they may be, are a power that can be used any way you wish. This power—the same energy that may now manifest as hostility, envy, hatred, rage, bitterness, self-pity, or blame—can become a creative power to build happiness, pleasure, love, expansion, for yourself and others around you.”

– Eva Pierrakos

When I read that sentence, I had tears in my eyes. I knew I had feelings of envy, of hate, of bitterness and resentment inside and I could not accept having them there. I suffered because of them and I felt guilty because I felt them. I interpreted them as a confirmation that I was bad. And although I thought that I understood the fact that all emotions are valid, and even though I wrote about it in some of my articles,  I still tortured myself with guilt for experiencing them.

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The feeling I was confronted with the other day was hate. I felt hate towards someone. I couldn’t bear to look at them, without getting negative thoughts in my head. Yet I tried to suppress it and hide it because I saw it as an undesirable quality. How could I be good if I had such dark feelings towards someone? So instead, I tried to be nice and polite and all the good things, but it all felt forced and unnatural for both me and the other person. It was as though we were both playing a part, yet both of us could feel the tension behind what was being said and both of us felt drained by the conversation.

But that night, as I was twisting and turning in bed without being able to sleep, I started to inquire into my feeling of hate. I said to myself. OK, I really do feel hate, there’s no point in denying it. I feel hate! And it is OK. Not OK as in I approve of it, but OK as in I fully accept it without judging myself for it.

The acceptance allowed me to realize that behind the hate there was anger, anger that I had denied for a very long time. I had felt guilty about this anger and had suppressed it and so it had turned into hate. And beneath the anger there were probably other feelings too. Like sadness or indignation. And because I had denied those feelings too they had turned into anger. Through denial and suppression I had compounded them on top of each other until they became something dark indeed.

The initial feelings are benign. Yet because we label them as bad or wrong, we think that they must not be felt, so we suppress them and the energy behind them stagnates or is directed on a wrong channel.

you will come to understand and experience how this or that specific hostile impulse was originally a good force

In their initial form –  which is the form they take before we have compounded them with other feelings, like covering sadness with anger – feelings are benign messengers. They let us know what is happening within ourselves. And we can work with that, we can cooperate with this information to get our needs met, or we can go against it and refuse its expression because we believe it is bad and, as a consequence, deprive ourselves of what we need.

The thing I realized that night was that I had my reasons for being angry and that I didn’t have to force myself to forgive. My anger was valid, it needed to be there, it was not an expression of my being bad, it had its own purpose. And there’s no shame in that. It’s a thousand times better to be truthful than to be pleasing. That’s not to say to lash out at people, but to be true to yourself in the things you do. To not lie through word or deed or attitude.

Another piece of the puzzle had come one or two days prior, while reading the book Creating Union by Eva Pierrakos:

“There are particular phases in human development where an entity finds it almost impossible to come out of his or her negative defense system, and of the conviction that this defense is necessary, unless one of those people with whom the person is entangled lets them off the hook by admitting his or her own negative intentionality, destructive attitude, dishonesty, and meanness. Just imagine how you would feel when someone close to you, who has given you pain by pointing out your real and your false guilts, but who has also confused you by the denial of his or her guilt, suddenly said to you: “I realize that I do not want to give you love. I want to demand from you and then blame you, accuse you, and punish you when you do not comply with my demands. But I do not allow you to feel hurt, because although I want to hurt you, I do not want to be made to feel guilty by your hurt.” Just imagine how this would set you free! How such an admission can suddenly clear up many confusions! It is not very likely that you would respond to this act of love by being self-righteous and acting the all-innocent one who has always known this and is now established as the innocent victim.”

– Eva Pierrakos, Creating Union

This blew my mind. I never considered that I could tell another person how I felt about them if those feelings were negative. And yet it made so much sense! When you are this honest with someone, you free both yourself and the other person. And then the hate can revert back to anger and back to the original emotion. Because it is no longer covered up, no longer hidden. And then it can go back to being that creative energy that is an expression of life itself.

Once I understood this, my anxiety subsided and I felt not only peaceful but joyful too. My chest didn’t feel tight anymore and I felt like I could take deeper breaths. I felt liberated. I had tortured myself so much with believing I was a bad person for the negative thoughts I was harboring that I was beginning to fear there was no way out. I felt hopeless. I am convinced that it was the Divine that guided me towards this understanding and I am truly grateful. I have felt this guidance in many ways and I know that I am assisted at all times, even though I may feel alone or discouraged at times.

I realize this is an ongoing process and there is still much to learn about how to express my emotions in a healthy way, so I believe self-compassion is needed. I saw how big the discrepancy was between what I thought I understood and what I actually understood. I knew the theory: it is good to love and accept yourself, no matter what you think, no matter what you feel, no matter what you have done. But practice is a whole different matter and it took me a whole lot of experience and seeking to grasp the meaning of these words, and there’s still much more to learn.

This makes me think of another aspect of denying our negative emotions. The reasons we deny them is because of positive intentionality: we want to stop ourselves from manifesting the negative potential of our thoughts. So our intentions are good. But we act like guardians of our own impulses and to some extent this means we fear ourselves, we fear what we might do, we fear that anybody else might realize that we harbor such thoughts. And most of all, we fear that we might be confirmed as bad people. We don’t realize that this intention in itself is good.

The problem is that our intentions and our ways of dealing with our emotions are based on an incomplete understanding of what is going on within ourselves. We think that the negative emotions should not be there and so we struggle against them. We cannot find peace as long as they are there. And from my experience, a lot of anxiety stems from this. From denying and fighting the way we feel. From using a part of ourselves to oppose another.

Luckily, our experiences are chances of expanding that understanding, of learning more about ourselves. They allow us to see new facets of who we are and to see that we are not the bad people that we imagine ourselves to be. We just don’t have the right tools to deal with our emotions. And this realization can be the beginning of self-love.

So yeah, this is something I’ve been confronted with lately and from my research and experience I can say that each emotion needs to be felt in order to be transformed. It reminds me of that quote that goes like “nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know”. In that sense, each emotion brings with it its own wisdom, it is on a mission so to speak and it cannot leave until we heed its message. If the five senses give us information about the outside world, emotions give us information about the inner world and we need both to function as whole human beings.

For anyone having read this far who is interested in shadow work and self-knowledge, you can access The Pathwork Lectures, which I have referenced in this article, here. They are one of the most important things that I have had the luck to find on my journey.

 

On Shame and Self-Love

There is a biblical episode where God calls for Adam to join him for a walk. Yet because Adam had eaten from the Tree of Knowledge he became aware of his own nakedness and so he hid in the bushes and refused to come out. What had been natural before was now viewed through different eyes. The same action was charged with ideas of rightness or wrongness. He could no longer reveal himself to God in his nakedness anymore as he had learned about shame.

I believe that shame is strongly linked to a lack of self love. Well… there is a good kind of shame and a bad kind of shame. The good kind of shame is the shame where we are able to recognize that we are responsible for the negative consequences of something we did, accepting that fully, having compassion for ourselves, understanding that ignorance leads to mistakes – even with the best of intentions – and then learning from these mistakes. The not so good kind of shame is the kind where we are still able to recognize that we were responsible for a negative situation, but we take two approaches to it:

  1. either we try to cover it up or deny it because we cannot allow ourselves to feel this shame – this is because we find it too painful to accept that we have caused harm or that our imperfections have been exposed.
  2. or we are so overwhelmed by the fact that we have caused harm that we cannot accept ourselves and cannot have compassion for ourselves and so we hate ourselves for what we have done.

Both of these approaches are ways of avoiding to feel that shame. And they both keep us from accepting ourselves and loving ourselves, because in order to love ourselves, we need to have compassion for ourselves and our ignorance. In order to love ourselves, we need to accept that we often make mistakes. And in order to love ourselves, we have to accept the things we have done and this cannot be done unless we first feel the shame that arose in us and learn its lessons.

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There are so many unconscious attitudes we hold that show a lack of self love. We may not be aware of them, but they become apparent – if we pay attention – when we chase after love. This chase may take the form of trying to manipulate others, pleasing others, seeking external validation, trying to impress others, not saying what needs to be said because we fear we will lose approval, forcing ourselves into things we don’t want to do, and so on. Yet true, Divine Love is unconditional. It is us who raise blocks against it because we feel unworthy of receiving it. When we love ourselves, we accept that love that is always extended to us for us to tap into and, in doing so, we do not need to seek for it outside of ourselves.

In a sense God is always calling for us to join Him, yet it is us who feel unworthy of walking beside Him. We are ashamed of ourselves and so we deny ourselves love. We prefer to hide that which we cannot accept in ourselves because we fear we are imperfect and therefore bad and undeserving of love because of it. We mask it with qualities we struggle to maintain the illusion of because we believe that we can fake it till we make it. But the need to cover up parts of ourselves is only a confirmation of the existence of those things in the first place. It’s giving them more legitimacy.

Like for instance, if you believe yourself to be bad, you will try to overcompensate through only displaying that which you perceive to be good. So if you find yourself being angry, you will try to suppress it and only display positive emotions. The problem is that we are ashamed of the reality of our being because we believe that certain emotions are bad and we shouldn’t feel them. But struggling against them, is an affirmation of their existence. And denying parts of yourselves becomes a punishment in itself which shows a lack of self love.

I have found that I didn’t really understand the idea of loving and accepting yourself. Whenever I allowed myself to feel things, I would do so with an underlying feeling of shame or guilt, which shifted the focus from my raw emotions, to my “wrongness”, therefore keeping the emotions stuck in my body, because they were not accepted and transmuted. Or I’d get so caught up in the thoughts behind the emotions that I’d become distracted from feeling them.

I’ve come to believe that loving and accepting yourself is about understanding the irrational needs you have, the longings, the pain, the unreasonable expectations you have from both yourself and others, the shame and the guilt and then being there for yourself, allowing yourself to feel those things, to feel the grief of not having experienced the kind of love you needed and realizing that many of these things stem from unfulfilled childhood needs that are no longer real but that have remained stuck and keep resurfacing in present situations and furthermore understanding that now you’re responsible for yourself and you need to take care of yourself. It’s also having compassion for yourself and even for those you may believe were responsible for your experience because you understand that there was no conscious ill intent behind their words and actions, behind them not being there for you as you needed as they also acted on their own wounding and lack of understanding.

The moment we accept, understand and love ourselves is the moment we will feel worthy to walk with God again. And then, all those ideals like bliss and joy and love and compassion that we try to embody through effort – and sometimes through imitation and pretense – will come naturally to us. That’s not to say that we shouldn’t aim towards those things or make any effort to become better people, these things are necessary because they lead to a better understanding of ourselves and they put us on the path to self discovery. But it is self-love that gives us the key to those things that we aim for.

[Habits of Confusion] 3. Ignoring Intuition

I once had a workmate whom the other coworkers regarded as strange. Not the kind of strange that you want to keep away from, but the kind of strange that is like daydreaming, partly immersed in his own reality, not caring too much to explain himself to the world. Like Luna Lovegood from Harry Potter. The guys were telling me that one time he was staring out the window for like 10 minutes and they were laughing about it, not so much in a mean way, but more like in a curious and endearing sort of way. I was both amused and intrigued by it. I think perhaps I would be that kind of strange too, if I weren’t so self conscious. But this made me think… what if some people are able to receive other types of information than those that are delivered by the 5 senses? What if they can access something else, which makes them behave in ways that appear to be irrational? What if there is another type of logic guiding their actions, which can seem random and meaningless to those that are not familiar with it? And what if many of us receive it too, but we don’t act upon it because we need evidence that it is worthy of being considered?

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I believe that most of us have this capacity for sensing things that are outside of the 5 senses. This can manifest as a good or bad feeling about something, as an internal resistance or as a feeling of anxiety, giving us information that is not logical, but that still impacts us.

Part of it relates to the subconscious. The brain does much more than we are aware of, it organizes our experiences and makes all sorts of connections and associations that we may not be consciously aware of. Then, when it encounters things that remind it of those associations, it can bring forth the same feelings that were elicited by the initial experience. For instance, say we had a bad break up in a restaurant where an obscure song was playing at the time. After a while we may hear the same song without realizing we’ve heard it before and start feeling sad or angry because of the connection our brain makes with the unpleasant past experience. Or even more, say we’ve been fooled by someone to get into a bad deal which made us lose money. Later on we may meet someone that we are cautious about or that we dislike instantly without knowing why. Perhaps this person has some of those same traits as the person that tricked us and our subconscious is able to recognize them without us being consciously aware of it. Ignoring these feelings because they seem irrational can lead us to repeat past mistakes.

The second more important part relates to intuition. Everything looks nice and perfect yet something about it feels off. The conditions are great, it has everything you want and need and yet you can’t help feeling that something is wrong. Intuition is the ability to feel the truth of a situation without a factual basis for supporting that impression. It does not originate from thinking, though it can manifest as thought and it appears to be irrational. It is like an intervention in what appears to be the logical and predictable course of events. Intuition is a fragment of knowledge delivered to you as an impression or as a feeling. Sometimes it can manifest as a mental image, as a song that suddenly pops in your head or as a line from a movie that seems to be relevant to your situation. Of course, there are all sorts of influences we are subjected to and it takes a lot of discernment to distinguish between true intuition and conditioned responses, but through experience and a commitment to self-observation and reflection, we can learn to differentiate between the two.

This learning may come through difficult experiences, where we explore through trial and error the way our intuition works. It is true that some people are more attuned to their inner guidance and they are able to flow with the necessities of each moment, but usually in the beginning we may strongly feel the pull of our conditioned behaviors preventing us from connecting with our intuition. Our minds may go crazy with overthinking things, trying to gain control, trying to analyze all aspects of the situation and attempting to remove all uncertainties from the equation. We may confuse ourselves with projecting into the future, worrying about the consequences of our actions and fearing to listen to that inner voice because of how it might impact those around us. And we do this because we don’t want to act in irrational ways, we want to be able to justify our behaviors, we want to be able to put forward the facts and we are afraid to count on our subtle impressions to make important decisions.

Depending on the importance of each decision, our intuition can be strong, or it can be subtle. Whereas subtle intuition can be easier to miss, strong intuition can be pretty blatant. For me it can manifests as pain or unpleasant sensations in my solar plexus, a feeling that something bad is going to happen, an unwillingness to move forward with that decision, crying, feeling like I’m forcing myself to do something I don’t want to, mechanical preparations for that decision that I know I don’t want to do, numbness and depression and a weakening of my immune system, getting sick. Of course, this is an intuition for negative potentials, but intuition can also manifest on the positive side. It manifests in quite the opposite way, it can make you feel excited and joyful, it can fill you up with good emotions and it just feels right. When you act on the positive intuition you feel relieved, determined and clearheaded as opposed to acting on the intuition of a negative potential where you feel unsettled and confused.

“I found that going against heart/intuition and then doing something out of obligation despite screaming on the inside, that can have damaging effects on one’s spirit or spiritual connection, similar to throwing a car in reverse while going forward can damage the transmission.”

– Tom Montalk

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Caroline Myss wrote in her amazing book Anatomy of the Spirit about how we can develop what is called a symbolic sight in relation to the world around us. This means that the external world is regarded as a reflection of the internal world, and so we can develop the ability to read the symbols of our daily existence and derive meaning from them, which can help us understand ourselves better. The symbols may take literal forms like that one time I saw an image in a Facebook post with a sign that said WRONG WAY as I was contemplating doing something stupid, more specifically going somewhere. Other times it may take the form of a song that pops in your head, like when Billie Joel’s Vienna kept playing in my mind with the lyrics “slow down, you crazy child, you’re too ambitious for a juvenile” when I was desperate about finding a way out of a situation that I felt afraid to be in. The guidance is not meant to tell you what to do, it is meant to make you reflect on what you are doing and question your reasons so that you may develop a wider perspective on what is happening and make better decisions that don’t stem from fear.

Not all guidance, however, is of a positive nature and this is where we need to train our discernment. We may find that the miracle solution to our problems that seemed too good to be true wasn’t that miraculous after all and that it created other bigger problems. Or we may find ourselves feeling discouraged from pursuing a course of action that would be beneficial because someone said something that seemed tailor made for our fears. In his brilliant article Battle of Opposites, Tom Montalk of montalk.net reflected upon how we can discern between positive and negative influences. In it he divided the various types of influences we can receive into 8 categories, based on where the influence originates from (internal or external), the nature or polarity of the influence (positive or negative) and the response it can elicit from us (resistance or encouragement). These categories help differentiate between the signs of true intuition and positive guidance which appeal to our higher nature and those of  misguiding forces which appeal to our lower nature. I thoroughly recommend reading it. You can find it here.

Intuition asks you to have faith and not seek answers too soon. The answers come after you make the decision. What you can do is reflect upon your motivations, intentions and aspirations, seeing whether they stem from conditioned responses or genuine interest. If you are too adamant to act only on the basis of logical deductions, while at the same time ignoring the way you feel, the unsettling feelings will persist. Intuition is linked to the things you want and need at a deeper level and it can contradict that which you believe you should do. It stands solemnly as the truth that you avoid to see because you confuse yourself too much with ideas of duty, acts of desperation, misguided impressions of what the right thing to do is and feelings of guilt and shame. It confronts you with the reasons for which you act the way you do, it compels you to question yourself and understand yourself better and it encourages you to trust the way you feel as opposed to the way you think should feel.

I strongly believe that ignoring intuition clouds the judgement and disconnects us from our needs and wants, from our sense of self. I believe that confusion primarily arises from this state of disconnection. Our intuitive guidance exerts a pull that we can attune to and it is always guiding us towards a fuller expression of who we are if we only let go of our need to be in control of how the process unfolds.